Chapter Onebook18.org
Thomas Wolfe believed that, ‘you can’t go home again’. He obviously hadn’t ever been tobook18.org
my home; because, in ten years, precious little had changed. In fact, my parents hadn’t alteredbook18.org
the décor of their house in over two decades. My bedroom was unchanged since the day I leftbook18.org
for college. My twin bed still had the predominantly pink patchwork quilt laid on it. Thebook18.org
cream drapes hung in the window. My dressing table still had rosettes, for gymnastics andbook18.org
horseback riding, placed neatly around the mirror. It was the room of an adolescent girl.book18.org
So, the fact of the matter is, when I finally accepted the cold hard truth; after three monthsbook18.org
of searching for another job and desperately trying to make ends meet, I did go home again.book18.org
And it was as if I’d stepped back in time.book18.org
Mom and Dad professed they were happy to help me until I got back on my feet, but theybook18.org
were also predictably self-righteous, and I suspected it took everything within them tonotbook18.org
scream, ‘I told you so’ from the rooftops.book18.org
“Life in the city can be tough,” Mom said. “Your dad and I feared this might happen.”book18.org
Breathing deeply before responding, I tried not to start an argument. “You had abook18.org
premonition about Blue Rock laying off a hundred people?” I murmured.book18.org
Turning from the bread dough she was mixing, she brushed her floury hands on her whitebook18.org
apron. “These things happen,” she said tartly. She was only twenty-one when she’d givenbook18.org
birth to me. Now, as she started tonudge fifty, she looked pretty good for her age. She wasbook18.org
slender, just as she’d been throughout my lifetime, and still had most of her hair color, withbook18.org
just a hint of gray peaking at the temples.book18.org
“You’re right, Mom,” I replied, trying to focus on the laptop that sat before me. “Theybook18.org
do.”book18.org
She continued to lecture me about how I should have been satisfied to get a job locally. Ibook18.org
didn’t see the sense in arguing with her. It seemed fruitless to point out that I’d been livingbook18.org
and working successfully in New York City for just under seven years. She wouldn’t havebook18.org
listened. In her opinion, living in the city was the surest way to ruin my life. So, while shebook18.org
relished telling me that I’d made the wrong decision, she was secretly glad that I was back inbook18.org
Woodbridge, Connecticut. It was a sleepy, affluent town, a bubble (or so my parentsbook18.org
believed) that kept out all the nastiness of the world.book18.org
And God knows they tried to keep me away from the “world”. At thirteen, I attendedbook18.org
Sacred Heart Academy in Hamden. It was an all-girls Catholic school, which offered thebook18.org
obsessively religious, guilt-laden education that my mom in particular was eager for me tobook18.org
receive. Mom and Dad were both devout Catholics, as were their parents. They expected mebook18.org
to follow suit and become a God-fearing woman, who retained her innocence until marriage.book18.org
They viewed sex as nothing more than a means of procreation.book18.org
Sending me to an all-girls school was intended to help on that front, to keep me awaybook18.org
from temptation and ensure that I didn’t create temptation in any young man. It worked, atbook18.org
least for a while. By the time I left home for college, I was socially awkward around boys andbook18.org
artless in my conversations with them. I also learned to always be suspicious of their motives.book18.org
However, I didn’t buy into all the Catholic Church had taught me. Gradually, I stoppedbook18.org
attending mass on Sundays. Then, I met a guy who pulled me even further from the faith mybook18.org
parents had so desperately wanted me to follow.book18.org
Greg was a physics major, a staunch atheist, and one of the most handsome men I’d everbook18.org
met. He talked to me about the vastness of the universe, and convinced me that creationbook18.org
myths have always existed in some form.book18.org
“Organized religions are a human’s way of trying to understand what seemsbook18.org
incomprehensible,” he would tell me. “Nothing more and nothing less.”book18.org
My own doubts, which I suspect had simmered under the surface for at least a few yearsbook18.org
by that point, were stoked by his persuasive arguments. He was incredibly intelligent,book18.org
charming, and witty. Falling in love with him was ridiculously easy. It was a naïve first love,book18.org
the kind most of my peers had experienced at sixteen. But it was a fervent, fierce kind ofbook18.org
love; one that made me feel that I would do anything for him. However, there was one thingbook18.org
he wanted that I shied away from for a time, not because I didn’t want to give it, but becausebook18.org
I was scared. Thankfully, he was much more understanding than I could have hoped for.book18.org
Slowly but surely, he chipped away at my insecurities.book18.org
After nine months of dating, and at the age of twenty-one, I took the final step of defiancebook18.org
against the religious dogma my parents had forced upon me.book18.org
Having received absolutely no sex education, my first time was exactly what you mightbook18.org
expect: a little clumsy, painful because I was so tense, and, I dare say, it didn’t rock Greg’sbook18.org
world, either.book18.org
Afterward, I felt a bizarre mixture of emancipation, coupled with an overriding sense ofbook18.org
guilt. Whether I believed what my parents believed or not, I’d let them down. I knew they’dbook18.org
be terribly disappointed if they ever found out.book18.org
My relationship with Greg continued for another year after that, but things were strained.book18.org
We were having sex regularly during that time, but I can’t say I ever really enjoyed it. Mybook18.org
mind was always drifting to the things I’d been taught. As much as I wanted to disregard itbook18.org
all, I couldn’t—not entirely. Eventually, once we’d drifted so far apart that neither of us couldbook18.org
ignore it any more, we parted amicably.book18.org
That year, we both graduated; he moved to California and I headed to New York, wherebook18.org
I’d already secured an intern position at Blue Rock. I moved up quickly, putting in morebook18.org
hours than my fellow trainees. By the time I was twenty-five, I was the fund manager’sbook18.org
assistant and I was content.book18.org
My love life was sparse and I’d had two boyfriends since Greg. Neither relationshipbook18.org
lasted longer than a few months, and just like before, the sex was a disappointment to me.book18.org
Frustratingly, I knew the problem was mine and not the men I chose. Even masturbating, Ibook18.org
found it hard to reach an orgasm, and I would feel misplaced shame at the act. However,book18.org
sexual gratification quickly became the least of my concerns.book18.org
Blue Rock suffered a major hit in the economy crash, and I was one of its casualties. Atbook18.org
first, I was disappointed, but not overtly concerned. After all, I thought, I’d be able to getbook18.org
another job without too much hassle. But as the weeks turned to months and everybook18.org
application was either ignored or responded to with a curt decline, I started to panic.book18.org
Despite attempts to pinch pennies and beg a little leniency from my landlord, I eventuallybook18.org
had to admit defeat and give up my apartment.book18.org
That’s when I found myself back home in my parents’ house, sitting at the kitchen tablebook18.org
trawling through job sites while my Mom made a batch of bread from scratch and still foundbook18.org
the time to lecture me about the mistakes I’d made.book18.org
“So, you will be coming to mass tomorrow?” she asked suddenly, ripping me from mybook18.org
melancholy thoughts.book18.org
“Hmm?” I replied, lifting my head as I realized I hadn’t been listening to a word she said.book18.org
“You’ll be coming to mass,” she said, this time it was phrased as an expectation ratherbook18.org
than a question.book18.org
“Oh,” I mumbled. “I don’t know…” I hedged slowly. “I…umm. I don’t really think so,” Ibook18.org
eventually uttered.book18.org
“Mmm,” she hummed discontentedly.book18.org
“Mom,” I began with a soft sigh. “We’ve been over this. I told you, I haven’t been for abook18.org
while and I just…I don’t feel it’s for me.”book18.org
“Jesus is for everybody, Melissa,” she tossed back at me, turning her back to attend to thebook18.org
beeping oven.book18.org
“You know Michael hasn’t been to church for years, either,” I sullenly responded. “Youbook18.org
don’t give him the third degree over it.”book18.org
Michael, my younger brother, stopped attending church when he was eighteen. By the agebook18.org
of twenty-six, he was living in Florida, had had a string of girlfriends, many of whom mybook18.org
parents knew about, and was ‘living in sin’ with his current lover, Kate. None of this seemedbook18.org
to bother our mom. Apparently, it was perfectly natural for a man to ‘sow some wild oats’book18.org
and since none of his girlfriends had been ’good Catholic girls’, that meant it was acceptable.book18.org
“He’s still young,” Mom told me. “He’ll come around once he finds the right woman andbook18.org
starts to think about marriage and children.”book18.org
The youngest of the family, Livia, was in her junior year of college and wanted to go onbook18.org
to med school. She, as far as I knew, still shared our parents’ beliefs and had even talkedbook18.org
about joining a medical mission. She was, therefore, the ‘golden girl’.book18.org
“All I ask,” Mom sighed, “is that you come. Just listen to what Father Perry has to say.”book18.org
“I’ll think about it,” I grumbled, picking my laptop off the table and retreating to thebook18.org
privacy of my old bedroom.book18.org
I couldn’t bring myself to attend church with my folks, which led to more lectures; somebook18.org
from my mom, some from my dad, and some in which they tag-teamed me. My dad was notbook18.org
only concerned for my immortal soul; he was worried about the here and now.book18.org
“You need to think about marriage,” he urged. “Who’s going to take care of you if youbook18.org
haven’t got a husband?”book18.org
“I’ve managed okay so far,” I bit back.book18.org
“Well…” he shrugged, one eyebrow arching.book18.org
“This is a blip,” I told him sharply. “I will get a job and get out of your hair.”book18.org
“It’s not about getting out of our hair,” he argued. “I just want you to have a man you canbook18.org
depend on, so you won’t experience any more of these ‘blips’. Besides,” he added smiling,book18.org
“don’t you want to have children?”book18.org
“I don’t know Dad,” I huffed. “Maybe one day.”book18.org
“You’re not getting any younger.”book18.org
“I’m not even thirty yet, Dad!”book18.org
These debates with my parents would go around and around in circles, neither of thembook18.org
ever seeming to understand my point of view.book18.org
Chapter Twobook18.org
Once being back home for more than a month, and after ten unsuccessful interviews, I hadbook18.org
moved beyond desperate. I would have been willing to do anything, even clean toilets. I hadbook18.org
to get out from the suffocating atmosphere of my parents’ home.book18.org
So, with an attitude of ‘why the heck not?’ I applied for a post I found online. I wasn’tbook18.org
qualified, I had no experience, but it was a job and it was one that would get me out of mybook18.org
folks’ house (even if just for stints at a time) immediately.book18.org
“You have an impressive résumé, Ms. Cannagh,” said the man sitting on the other side ofbook18.org
the desk. I’d only had to wait a week for the interview, and I was determined to make a goodbook18.org
impression.book18.org
“In fact,” he added, with a tilt of his head. “You’re rather overqualified for the job.”book18.org
That morning, I’d applied a little more make-up than usual, ensuring that I looked asbook18.org
beautiful as ever. My long blonde hair was clipped up at the back, with bangs swept sidewaysbook18.org
across my forehead. “I’ve been out of work for several months now,” I admitted, “and I reallybook18.org
am desperate to get a job, no matter what it might be.”book18.org
“Hmm,” he nodded understandingly. “It’s just, I wonder if you’ll be bored. Being part ofbook18.org
a flight crew can be tedious,” he chuckled. “But being the flight crew on a private jet is trulybook18.org
mind-numbing at times.”book18.org
“I’m sure I won’t be bored,” I insisted, smiling warmly.book18.org
“Well, you’re clearly an intelligent woman,” he replied. “Serving drinks and fetchingbook18.org
blankets or pillows is hardly the kind of work I think you would find stimulating.”book18.org
Dropping all pretense, the smile quickly slipped from my face. I glanced down at the palebook18.org
fingers that were entwined in my lap and shook my head. “Please, Mr. Joice,” I pleaded,book18.org
lifting my face back to his and fixing my eyes on him. “I need this job. And I will be the bestbook18.org
crew member that you have ever had.”book18.org
Smiling sympathetically, his face softened. “All right,” he nodded. “Let’s give it a go.”book18.org
For a moment, I wasn’t able to believe what I’d heard and sat with my jaw hanging open.book18.org
“I…are you…?”book18.org
Paying minimal attention to my stunned expression, he continued. “You’ll be working forbook18.org
a man named Mr. Race. He flies a lot for business; at least once or twice a week. We’ll startbook18.org
you off on a temporary two-week contract. And after that time, if you, Mr. Race, and I are allbook18.org
happy, we’ll fix you up with something more permanent.”book18.org
I barely absorbed his explanation. “Thank you,” I gasped, my lips spreading into a widebook18.org
grin. “Thank you so much,” I added. “I promise you won’t regret this.”book18.org
Just five days later, I was dressed in my flight attendants’ uniform: a white blouse thatbook18.org
hugged my bust; a scarlet 1950s-style neck scarf tied to the left of my chin; a black pencilbook18.org
skirt, which came to my knees; tan hold ups, and a pair of black court shoes with a three-inchbook18.org
heel. My hair was tied in a ponytail in the middle of my head, with just a couple of loosebook18.org
strands framing either side of my face.book18.org
I met Mr. Joice at the main office and he walked me down to the plane I would bebook18.org
working in. It was named, ‘Make a Wish’ and was one of the most luxurious things I’d everbook18.org
set my eyes on. The cabin was divided into two sections; the front was like a small livingbook18.org
room with a couch along one side, a mahogany coffee table in front of it, and four large seatsbook18.org
that reclined all the way back to create a narrow bed. The section beyond that was lined withbook18.org
seats like a traditional jet. All were white leather and had plenty of leg room. Gold cushionsbook18.org
adorned each seat, as well as the larger chairs up front.book18.org
“Usually, Mr. Race doesn’t have a full house, but if he does, you’ll have someone elsebook18.org
with you,” Mr. Joice said, as he walked me down the length of the cabin, showing me the fullbook18.org
bar and the miniature cooking facilities that was located at the rear of the plane. Or at least, Ibook18.org
thought it was the rear of the plane. He reached for a small handle and pushed open a door,book18.org
which lead to a bedroom, complete with double bed and artwork hanging over the headboard.book18.org
“Is that an Altman?” I asked, staring at the oil painting of a blue jug sitting beside threebook18.org
tomatoes.book18.org
“Huh?” he asked, turning to look at the path of my gaze. “Oh, I haven’t the faintest,” hebook18.org
admitted with a shrug. “You’ll have to ask Mr. Race.”book18.org
I nodded, but dismissed the notion. I had no intention of firing questions at Mr. Race; Ibook18.org
would do my job, be efficient, and make sure that he had the best flight possible. I certainlybook18.org
didn’t want to appear nosey. No, I would mind my own business and let him get on with his.book18.org
He’d be far too busy to discuss art with me.book18.org
As is so often the way when you hear about someone before you actually meet them, Ibook18.org
had an image of Mr. Race in my mind. An obviously wealthy, successful business owner; Ibook18.org
pictured him in his fifties, maybe even sixties. I guessed he’d be a little hefty from too muchbook18.org
fine wine and food, and would no doubt have an air of confidence about him.book18.org
So, when a man in his mid-thirties; muscular, handsome, and little shy, boarded the plane,book18.org
I assumed he must have been Mr. Race’s assistant. I watched Mr. Joice walk briskly towardbook18.org
him, shake his hand and then turn to me.book18.org
“This is Ms. Cannagh,” he stated.book18.org
Politely, I moved forward and forced a nervous smile at the brown-eyed man. “Goodbook18.org
morning,” I greeted, offering him my hand.book18.org
He reached out, taking it gently and giving it a quick squeeze. “It’s a pleasure,” he said.book18.org
“Please call me, Alex.”book18.org
“All right,” I nodded. “I’m Melissa.”book18.org
“Great,” he smiled, releasing my hand and turning to Mr. Joice. “Have you given her thebook18.org
tour?”book18.org
As the two shared a brief conversation, I listened passively, my eyes moving over Alex’sbook18.org
perfectly-fitted charcoal three-piece suit with white dress shirt, maroon tie, and a crisp whitebook18.org
pocket square.book18.org
“So, umm, Melissa,” he said, turning to face me. “If you wouldn’t mind greeting the otherbook18.org
passengers at the door, they should be arriving,” he paused long enough to lift his left armbook18.org
with a jerk that tugged his sleeve away from the black leather-strapped watch he wore, “inbook18.org
around five minutes.”book18.org
“Okay,” I eagerly responded, keen to make a good first impression. “Will Mr. Race bebook18.org
with them?”book18.org
A strange lopsided grin pulled at the right side of Alex’s face. His eyes moved from me tobook18.org
Mr. Joice, who was laughing softly. Finally, his gaze shifted back to where it had begun. “Ibook18.org
am Mr. Race,” he explained, still wearing the same unbalanced smile.book18.org
“Oh,” I mumbled. “I’m so sorry, I just assumed that…” I babbled. “I mean, I thought thatbook18.org
Mr. Race would be….I’m really terribly sorry, sir.”book18.org
“You’ve got nothing to apologize for,” he chuckled. Slipping his hands in the pockets ofbook18.org
his pants, he shrugged. “And there’s noneed for the ‘sir’.”book18.org
“But Mr. Race-” I began to protest.book18.org
“I told you,” he good-naturedly interjected, “call me Alex.”book18.org
“I’d rather not,” I quietly admitted, realizing as the words slipped from my mouth that ifbook18.org
my goal was to make a good first impression, arguing with the boss within five minutes ofbook18.org
meeting him probably wasn’t the best way to go.book18.org
He was no longer smiling. Instead, he studied me curiously. “Listen,” he said. “I like tobook18.org
keep things informal because I’d like you to view me as an equal. But, at the same time, Ibook18.org
keep things professional. John will tell you,” he added, nudging an elbow toward Mr. Joice.book18.org
As it happened though, Mr. Joice’s testimony wasn’t actually called for.book18.org
“If it makes you uncomfortable to address me by my first name, I’ll accept that,” hebook18.org
continued smoothly. “But you were happy to call me ‘Alex’ before you knew who I was.”book18.org
That was a rationale I could not argue with. When I thought he was just another employeebook18.org
of Mr. Race’s, I would have been content to be on first-name terms. So what was mybook18.org
problem; some kind of inverted snobbery? No, it wasn’t that. But at Blue Rock, I had alwaysbook18.org
called senior members of staff Mr. or Ms. so-and-so. It was center ***ded in the company culturebook18.org
and seemed disrespectful to do anything else.book18.org
“So,” he softly sighed, when several seconds swept past without my reply. “What’s itbook18.org
going to be, Ms. Cannagh or Melissa?”book18.org
“Melissa is fine,” I offered quietly, nodding. I wasn’t comfortable, but if it was the waybook18.org
he preferred things, I’d just have to get used to it.book18.org
Thankfully, the rest of my first day went much more smoothly. The plane flew frombook18.org
Teterboro Airport to Chicago, where Alex Race and some of his board members had abook18.org
meeting with a company they were in merger talks with. The flight took a little under twobook18.org
hours, and I was simply on hand to provide snacks and make cups of coffee. The five menbook18.org
and two women discussed business matters openly, but I tried to make myself as discreet asbook18.org
possible, drifting in and out and making a conscious effort not to listen to the details of theirbook18.org
discussions.book18.org
I also tried not to stare too often at Alex, who was an incredibly attractive man. At a littlebook18.org
over six feet and muscular without being too bulked up, he was the very definition of tall,book18.org
dark and handsome. It became apparent as I got to know him better, that he was more thanbook18.org
just physically attractive. He was polite to everyone and endearingly lacked an ego forbook18.org
someone of his success level; he was also intelligent and humorous.book18.org
Trying to deny that I was attracted to him would have been ridiculous, but I didbook18.org
repeatedly attempt to push the feelings aside. Nevertheless, I’d find myself blushing when Ibook18.org
caught him looking at me from the other end of the plane, and I felt painfully shy when hebook18.org
was flying alone and would ask me to come and sit with him.book18.org
I did try to make conversation. “Is that a Nathan Altman in the bedroom?” I asked,book18.org
standing even though he’d asked me to take a seat in one of the large lounge-style chairs nearbook18.org
the front of the cabin.book18.org
“Yes,” he smiled, loosening his tie and leaning back into his own seat. “Are you a fan ofbook18.org
his?”book18.org
“Umm,” I responded hesitantly. “Yeah,” I shrugged. “He’s produced some interestingbook18.org
work. I like some of his early Cubist stuff.”book18.org
His eyes lighting up, he nodded. “You studied art?”book18.org
“Only for a year in college,” I dismissed. “I enjoyed it, but my parents didn’t think itbook18.org
would lead to a proper career. Of course, they weren’t happy with the career I ended up in,book18.org
either,” I added with a self-deprecating chuckle.book18.org
“Financial services, right?” he asked, sitting forward and resting his elbows on his thighs.book18.org
“Yeah,” I replied, realizing that I’d done exactly what I’d sworn not to do and begun tobook18.org
talk about myself. “Anyway,” I quickly added, “I’m sure you don’t want to hear about that.book18.org
Can I get you another coffee?”book18.org
“No, I’m fine,” he responded. “Please, sit down. We’ve got another hour until we landbook18.org
and I don’t want to sit here talking to myself.”book18.org
“Shouldn’t I be working?” I suggested, pointing to the rear of the cabin.book18.org
“There’s nothing to do,” he shrugged.book18.org
Relenting, I sat down in the chair opposite him and, as he carefully steered the subject backbook18.org
to art, we began to talk.book18.org
***book18.org
As the days turned to weeks, our conversations became more frequent. Alex was often flyingbook18.org
alone and he’d usually ask me to sit with him on both the outbound and return journey.book18.org
Perhaps inevitably, conversation did turn to private matters and I found myself telling himbook18.org
about my experiences at an all-girls’ school and my time at college.book18.org
He, in turn, told me about the boarding school his parents sent him to. And then,book18.org
suddenly, our chat took an unexpected turn. As we were sitting next to each other on thebook18.org
couch, his body slightly turned toward mine and elbow propped on the back of the seat. “Ibook18.org
met my wife when we were both freshmen in college,” he sighed.book18.org
“Oh,” I blurted, unable to disguise my surprise. “I didn’t realize you were married.”book18.org
“I’m not any more,” he explained. “We’re divorced,” he breathed, his eyes drifting to thebook18.org
floor in thought.book18.org
“I’m sorry,” I offered, not knowing what else to say.book18.org
“It’s okay,” he responded, forcing a smile. “These things happen. And I don’t suppose webook18.org
were really well-suited in the first place. My parents wanted me to marry her and…” hebook18.org
drifted to a stop, before shaking his head. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I do miss Fin, though.”book18.org
“Fin?” I repeated.book18.org
“My son,” he explained, smiling as he reached into his pocket and retrieved his wallet.book18.org
Opening it, he offered it to me and I gently took it between my finger and thumb. The littlebook18.org
boy in the picture must have been about three; he was a miniature version of his father, withbook18.org
big brown eyes and dark hair that was a little messy.book18.org
“He looks lovely,” I said, giving the wallet back to him.book18.org
“Thanks,” he grinned. “He’s not always that sweet,” he added laughing. “But…umm, Ibook18.org
miss the little guy anyway.”book18.org
“You don’t get to see him much?”book18.org
“No, not as much as I’d like,” he softly announced. “Things between me and my ex arebook18.org
strained, so she makes it as tough as she can for me to see him.”book18.org
“I’m sorry,” I said, sincerely.book18.org
Looking up, his eyes met mine and remained there for a long moment. “Thank you forbook18.org
sitting here and listening to me,” Alex murmured softly. “I umm…” he began, his right handbook18.org
moving forward and settling on my knee.book18.org
It wasn’t an advance, it wasn’t a remotely sexual touch, but the very fact that he’dbook18.org
touched me caused me to jump as though I’d been hit by lightning.book18.org
Snatching his hand back, he quickly apologized. “I’m sorry,” he stated. “I didn’t meanbook18.org
to…I mean, I…”book18.org
“It’s all right,” I responded getting up. “It wasn’t your fault, I was just startled.”book18.org
“Melissa,” he urged. “The thing is,” he added, his head dropping for a second beforebook18.org
returning to me. “I’m not going to pretend that I don’t like you,” he said, “because I do, and ifbook18.org
we’d met under different circumstances, I think that…” He didn’t complete the thought.book18.org
Instead, he changed tact. “I don’t ever date people that I work with, it just makes thingsbook18.org
messy.”book18.org
“Absolutely,” I concurred, nodding. “I agree.”book18.org
“I know you need this job, so I promise from now on, I will behave more professionally,”book18.org
he concluded.book18.org
I won’t pretend that I wasn’t disappointed, but I was grateful. We’d reached anbook18.org
agreement, and despite the fact an attraction remained between us, knowing we’d agreed notbook18.org
to act upon it eased my mind…somewhat.book18.org
The truth was, I thought about him all the time when I wasn’t at work. When we flewbook18.org
alone together, I found myself focused on minuscule things; like the way his hands wrappedbook18.org
around a coffee mug, the movement of his throat as he swallowed, the handful of hairs thatbook18.org
strayed from his side parting and crept onto his forehead, and the way his fingers tappedbook18.org
lightly on the keyboard of his laptop when he was focused on his work.book18.org
Sometimes, I would feel the heat of his gaze and wondered if he was looking at smallbook18.org
aspects of my movement. It was impossible to say, because he never let me catch him.book18.org
What was most difficult about that period was that in order to help retain a professionalbook18.org
distance, Alex had stopped asking me to sit and chat with him. His friendship was somethingbook18.org
I quickly came to miss. I’d been able to talk to him in a way that I couldn’t talk to anyonebook18.org
else in my life - I’d never been able to talk to anyone as I had him.book18.org
Looking back, I think that it was a mistake to try to avoid each other. The only purpose itbook18.org
served was to create a tension between us that gradually ballooned, until one day thebook18.org
inevitable happened: it burst.book18.org
Chapter Threebook18.org
We were on our way back from Los Angeles where Alex had been attending a conference.book18.org
During the journey, he’d remained in the front of the cabin and I’d been tucked away behindbook18.org
the bar, finding pointless jobs to do. About two hours from landing, he called me over.book18.org
“Melissa,” he said, rising from his seat. “I wanted to say I’m sorry for the awkwardnessbook18.org
between us lately.”book18.org
“Noneed to apologize,” I said, smiling and turning in the hope that would be all he had tobook18.org
say.book18.org
However, he quickly grasped my wrist to prevent me from leaving. “Please don’t go,” hebook18.org
said. “I…” he glanced down at the fingers he held firmly, but not roughly, around my wristbook18.org
and gradually withdrew them. When his focus moved back to my face, his eyes were filledbook18.org
with something I could not define.book18.org
Then, unexpectedly, his head moved toward mine, not in a sudden rush; but a measured,book18.org
deliberately slow pace. I had plenty of time to step away from him, but I couldn’t. I didn’tbook18.org
want to. Even though a part of me knew that the consequences could be disastrous bothbook18.org
professionally and personally, the larger part disregarded all thoughts of next week,book18.org
tomorrow, or even an hour from that moment.book18.org
It felt like an eternity. His warmth gradually closing in on me, the sandalwood scent of hisbook18.org
cologne growing stronger, and his presence becoming more powerful. Then, gently, oh sobook18.org
gently, he melded his soft lips to mine.book18.org
I stood there, my hands by my sides, unsure of what to do with them. My eyes droppedbook18.org
heavily and I moved my lips beneath his, pursing and molding them gently until our twobook18.org
mouths seemed to fit perfectly.book18.org
Until that moment, I’d never experienced a kiss quite as delicious and sweet as his. Hebook18.org
hummed contentedly and the low rumble in his chest vibrated against my breasts. I hadn’tbook18.org
even realized he’d stepped forward and that the lengths of our bodies were pressed togetherbook18.org
just like our lips.book18.org
He was firm, rigid, reliable and strong. All of those things ignited a sudden fiery passionbook18.org
that I didn’t know was held inside of me. It was no longer enough to feel his muscular framebook18.org
against me. All of the fantasies I’d had about him; the dreams I’d woken from feeling hot,book18.org
restless, and yearning, paled in comparison to the reality of me having him.book18.org
Both of my hands moved quickly to his chest, running up the silky surface of his shirt andbook18.org
exploring the curves of his hard pecs until I reached his broad, sturdy shoulders. Lacing mybook18.org
fingers around his neck, I pulled him hungrily closer, while my lips parted in a moan ofbook18.org
delight.book18.org
His right arm seemed to instinctively loop around my waist and he tugged me to him withbook18.org
the same degree of desire. His tongue swept into my mouth, the tip drawing tenderly in andbook18.org
out, coaxing mine into a strange, slow, sensual wrestle.book18.org
I whimpered, my lower half moving unbidden in small rhythmic thrusts against his hardbook18.org
hip bone. My heart was racing, blood pounding raw heat and lust throughout my body. Mybook18.org
head swam with nothing but pure need until I felt the dampness spreading in the crotch of mybook18.org
panties.book18.org
Alex moved a couple of steps back and pulled me with him. Not that I needed anybook18.org
encouragement, he would have had to pry me off him. My fingers were trying desperately tobook18.org
grasp his hair, and my lips moved frantically, clasping and unclasping between hurried pantsbook18.org
for breath.book18.org
His legs unexpectedly struck the couch and he let his body fall heavily into the seat. Ibook18.org
stumbled forward with him, not expecting the sudden loss of his tall and strong frame. Ourbook18.org
mouths parted and I gave a cry of surprise, as I found myself falling forward. But he had me.book18.org
His hands were securely on my waist and he guided me onto his lap.book18.org
My knees landed on either side of his thighs and no more than a second later, I foundbook18.org
myself shuffling closer. I was taller than him now, and it was he now who looked up to me,book18.org
awaiting a kiss. For a moment, I simply looked at him. With the back of my hand I caressedbook18.org
the line of his cheekbone and upper jaw. “Alex,” I whispered, my voice thick and hoarse.book18.org
As his fingers moved from my waist, his touch slid down to my thighs. He rubbed thembook18.org
gently before moving back up and around to my buttocks, which he cupped in his possessivebook18.org
masculine hands.book18.org
My eyes snapped shut and I jerked at the sudden, sexy aggressiveness. “Ahh,” I mewled.book18.org
He said nothing as he increased his grip slightly and pulled me closer to him.book18.org
My pubic bone struck his with a sharp bump, but I didn’t have an opportunity to dwell onbook18.org
that. Instead, my senses were focused on the large, hard swell that was pushing against mybook18.org
aroused, swollen outer lips. “Alex,” I panted, eyes widened in shock at the scorching heat thatbook18.org
permeated his pants. “Maybe we shouldn’t be doing this,” I blurted.book18.org
“You want to stop?” he said, his face dipping forward to the hint of cleavage that wasbook18.org
visible between the sides of my blouse. As he kissed his way up the curve of one breast, mybook18.org
chest began to heave with breathless excitement and my nipples strained at the lacy fabric ofbook18.org
my bra.book18.org
“Oh, God,” I gasped, lunging my hips forward.book18.org
Leaving my right breast, he moved his attention to the right, mumbling against my skin.book18.org
“Do you want me to stop?”book18.org
“No,” I whimpered, one hand moving in small circles over the back of his head and neck.book18.org
“No,” I repeated.book18.org
Once his mouth had explored every inch of skin available to him, he lifted his head andbook18.org
his hands unfurled from around me. His intense eyes had grown darker with lust and he fixedbook18.org
them intently on my face. His fingers then gently untied the knotted scarf around my neck.book18.org
Sweeping the silk away from my skin, his lips immediately descended on this newly exposedbook18.org
flesh. Setting every inch of my body aflame, he nibbled and licked his way from mybook18.org
collarbone to my earlobe. Meanwhile, his hands were occupied with the buttons of my blousebook18.org
and were soon edging the cotton off my shoulders.book18.org
I quickly released my hold of him to shed the shirt, before wrapping my arms tighter thanbook18.org
ever around his neck. “Oh Alex,” I whispered, bending my face to his ear and taking the rimbook18.org
gently between my teeth.book18.org
“Ugh,” he groaned. “I need you.” His fingers were at my back, unhooking my bra. Withbook18.org
deft, warm hands, he rapidly tugged the material from me, baring my breasts to him.book18.org
One nipple was soon enveloped by his hot mouth. His teeth teased the tight distended nubbook18.org
and his tongue tracing it almost reverently.book18.org
The need to feel the warmth of his flesh overwhelmed me. Once he released my arms tobook18.org
allow my bra to drop to the floor, I then grasped feverishly at the front of his shirt. With hisbook18.org
mouth still intent at my bosom, it was difficult to reach his buttons. With struggled andbook18.org
frustrated groans, I yanked gracelessly at the material.book18.org
Eventually, with a chuckle, Alex lifted his face. “Would you like some help?” he asked,book18.org
his hands smoothing up my torso and caressing the outer edges of my breasts.book18.org
Squirming as chills shot down the length of my spine, I exhaled a shaky breath. “I can dobook18.org
it,” I eventually said, recovering myself just enough to refocus my attentions on his shirt.book18.org
Able to see now, I moved smoothly and unfastened three buttons before placing my palm onbook18.org
the toned chest I’d uncovered. It was just as firm and powerful as it had seemed clothed. Thebook18.org
warmth and softness was contrasted with rugged dark hair, which was fine and short, andbook18.org
covered much of his upper torso. The rest of the shirt and his tie were still in my way andbook18.org
with a frenzy of movement, I tugged at the tie, slipping the shorter end through the knot andbook18.org
chucking the black silk over my shoulder. Surprising myself, I then pushed the white shirt offbook18.org
his shoulders, dipping my head to kiss his collarbone.book18.org
In all my previous sexual encounters, I had been passive. I’d been willing enough, butbook18.org
was toonervous and unsure to make any kind of advance. I’d never even had the nerve to bebook18.org
on top. Sitting astride Alex was, in and of itself, a first. But somehow, with him, nervousnessbook18.org
and fear took a backseat. I was driven by desire, the like of which I’d never known.book18.org
Suddenly, I understood what it was to want someone sexually, toneed them so desperatelybook18.org
that nothing else in the world mattered; not my parents’ expectations or the religious dogma.book18.org
If the priests and nuns were right and I was going to hell, what a way to go!book18.org
Alex leaned forward so he could yank the shirt from his arms, and I instantly threw mybook18.org
hands around his back, pushing my breasts against his solid chest. He glanced up and Ibook18.org
brought my face down to his, kissing him passionately as I enjoyed the pressure and warmthbook18.org
of his body against my taut nipples.book18.org
As I sucked his lower lip into my mouth, his fingers gripped the hem of my skirt andbook18.org
began to hike it upward. There was purpose and hunger in his actions, but he managed tobook18.org
move with grace and a control that I found very sexy.book18.org
Bundling my skirt at my waist, he trailed gentle fingers over the edge of my panties. Inbook18.org
response, my hips rocked and pushed my inflamed sex to his engorged penis. With a groan,book18.org
he removed his lips from mine and looked directly into my eyes. “You are so beautiful,” hebook18.org
mumbled, as one hand lifted to my face and scooped a loose strand of hair behind my ear.book18.org
The fingers of his other hand were slipping down into my panties.book18.org
I froze, every muscle in my body tensing with dread. I hadn’t prepared for this. If I’dbook18.org
allowed myself to think that it could actually happen, maybe I would have waxed for him;book18.org
that’s what most men like, I thought to myself. As it was, my hair was trimmed and shavedbook18.org
into a neat triangle, but what if he didn’t like it? What if he was used to hairless women, andbook18.org
found me unattractive or even disgusting?book18.org
The tips of his fingers moved inextricably lower, meeting the hair that began at my pubicbook18.org
bone. He didn’t pause; there was no surprise, no reaction of any kind. Instead, his handbook18.org
continued to smooth lower, eventually reaching my distended lips and drawing his forefingerbook18.org
between them.book18.org
I watched his face closely, searching for any sign of disappointment with my body. Hebook18.org
was still looking up at me, his features fervid and open. As Alex’s moistened finger slid up tobook18.org
my clitoris, my jaw fell open in a silent moan of pleasure. I was no longer able to keep mybook18.org
eyes on his. Instead, they drifted closed and my head dropped back.book18.org
“Alex, please,” I panted, thrusting slightly and offering my needy opening to hisbook18.org
affectionate touch.book18.org
However, he did not heed my request. While his index finger continued to roll playfullybook18.org
over the swollen bead, his middle finger stroked between my folds.book18.org
He was driving me insane with longing. Blistering heat flushed my face, throbbing desirebook18.org
pulsed through my passage, and an ache of restlessness had settled heavily in my pelvis.book18.org
“God, you’re sexy,” he whispered, his hand at my face curling around the back of mybook18.org
head and coaxing me down to him.book18.org
I went willingly, dropping forward until my forehead rested on his. Gradually, I openedbook18.org
my eyes, my vision hazy.book18.org
“Look at me,” he urged.book18.org
I blinked, trying to focus on him. His eyes were so unwavering in their intensity that I feltbook18.org
helpless and vulnerable. My breath was still coming hard and fast in my chest; I kept my gazebook18.org
on him.book18.org
Leaving my clitoris bereft, his forefinger moved to join the middle one and he gentlybook18.org
pushed both until the tips slipped almost imperceptibly inside me.book18.org
Instinctively, my eyelids drooped as I squirmed in an effort to work him deeper.book18.org
He resisted. “Look at me,” he repeated, refusing to move.book18.org
I forced my eyes open and braced my hands on his shoulders. As soon as my gaze met hisbook18.org
once more, he tenderly pushed his fingers forward, curling them as he went and stroking thebook18.org
front wall of my sex.book18.org
Sensing that the rules of the game meant he’d stop if I took my focus from him, Ibook18.org
continued to watch him. Finding his lips curling in a smile, I offered a shaky grin in return.book18.org
“Hmm,” he hummed, his fingers questing deeper still. “You feel so good, Mel.”book18.org
Needing more, my trembling hands quickly descended to his lap and began to unbucklebook18.org
his belt. Leaving it loose at his waist, I unfastened his pants and tugged down the zipper. Hebook18.org
grunted in relief as his erection was offered more space, but it was still firmly held within thebook18.org
confines of his tight boxer briefs. Reaching between the fabric, I shyly wrapped my handbook18.org
around his shaft and gasped at the realization of just how large he was.book18.org
“You okay?” he asked lifting his face and placing his mouth to mine in a quick butbook18.org
expressive kiss.book18.org
“Yes,” I replied, nodding.book18.org
Carefully, I eased him free of his underwear and beheld the sight of him. His circumcisedbook18.org
head was pink and glistening with arousal; the shaft was almost completely straight with justbook18.org
the slightest curve that, in that position, caused the bulbous tip to curl toward his belly. It wasbook18.org
incredibly thick, at least eight inches in length, and throbbing with a winding, bulging vein.book18.org
Clasping him, I worked my hand back and forth, imagining the vastness moving withinbook18.org
me. He was considerably bigger than the men I’d been to bed with and I wasn’t sure if I couldbook18.org
comfortably accommodate him.book18.org
However, as his fingers suddenly left me and both hands grabbed either side of mybook18.org
panties, the need to feel him was much greater than my trepidation.book18.org
“I’ll buy you a new pair,” he muttered, before roughly tearing the fabric in his hands andbook18.org
stripping it away from my body.book18.org
Uncaring about my underwear, I lifted my weight onto my knee and shuffled forward. Hisbook18.org
manhood still in my hand, I held him steady, stroking my warm folds over his tip andbook18.org
stopping when we were aligned.book18.org
Hesitantly, I pushed down slightly, breathing deeply as I felt my body stretching. “Argh,”book18.org
I gasped. Releasing his shaft, I grasped his shoulders and, with tears forming in my eyes, Ibook18.org
looked down at him. I wasn’t aware of a desire to cry, it came upon me without warning.book18.org
Sudden, powerful emotions, coupled with the way his body widened me in its quest forbook18.org
entrance, made me feel as though I was losing my virginity all over again. Only this time, itbook18.org
was exactly as I had always imagined it would be. This was the kind of sex that made womenbook18.org
crave it.book18.org
“You all right?” Alex softly asked, shifting his head back so he could really look at me.book18.org
Silently a tear spilled onto my cheek. “Yeah,” I smiled nodding. “It’s just…” I said, abook18.org
lump in my throat strangling the words. “It’s been a while,” I acknowledged apologetically.book18.org
“And…umm,” I added. “You’re…err…”book18.org
“It’s okay,” he smoothly said, halting my pitiful attempts to speak. “We can take it slow,”book18.org
he offered simply. “You’re in control.”book18.org
Giving him a grateful smile, I leaned into him. “Touch me,” I whispered.book18.org
Using both hands, Alex gently cupped my breasts, rubbing his thumbs over the softeningbook18.org
nipples and stirring them once again into hot, hard points. Experiencing the warmth betweenbook18.org
my legs as well as at my chest, I ventured to impale myself further, swallowing up half ofbook18.org
him with an ecstatic moan.book18.org
The fingers of Alex’s right hand fell away from my bosom and slid down to my pubicbook18.org
bone, he pressed his palm against it and rubbed in a circle, before placing his soft fingerbook18.org
against my clitoris and stroking in up and down motions.book18.org
“Oh, God,” I whimpered, my thighs beginning to burn with the effort of keeping myselfbook18.org
above him.book18.org
“You’re so sexy,” he mumbled, leaning forward and tracing my left areola with the tip ofbook18.org
his tongue.book18.org
“Ugh,” I groaned, plunging down a little further and experiencing the delicious, powerfulbook18.org
sensation of my body lengthening and swelling under the pressure of his large, steely length.book18.org
“Mmm,” he moaned, his teeth gently gripping the nipple.book18.org
Caressing the nape of his neck, I dropped forward and pressed my cheek to the top of hisbook18.org
head. “Alex,” I mewled, letting go and pushing my hips until they met his, consuming thebook18.org
final two inches of his shaft. My pubic bone was then pressed against his, he was entirelybook18.org
sheathed within me and, as my fingers dug into the thick muscles at his shoulders, I felt thebook18.org
tension slowly release. I felt flutters and throbs as my passage made the final adjustments andbook18.org
then, finally, I relaxed into him.book18.org
“Mel,” he panted, his breath coming hard against the curve of my breast. “You feel sobook18.org
warm; so soft.”book18.org
Chapter Fourbook18.org
For several moments, we remained that way, simply enjoying the fact that we were one. Mybook18.org
body quickly grew restless, though, and I rocked uneasily against him. I wanted to feel himbook18.org
moving within me; plunging in and out in that age-old rhythm. However, my legs werebook18.org
trembling and weak; I knew I didn’t have the strength left to thrust myself above him.book18.org
“Alex,” I mumbled, running my hands through the short, soft hair at the top of his neck. “Ibook18.org
can’t…” I murmured, still rocking.book18.org
Apparently, he didn’t need a more eloquent version and understood my gauche efforts tobook18.org
tell him what I needed. Grasping my hips, he suddenly flipped me to the right, twisting as hebook18.org
moved, so that when my back hit the couch, he was still securely inside me.book18.org
“Is this what you want?” he asked, his voice deeper than I’d ever heard it before.book18.org
“Yes,” I replied, wide-eyed from the shock of our motion, but nodding eagerly.book18.org
He claimed my mouth as his hips pulled back slowly. I felt every tiny ridge of veins andbook18.org
twitch of his motion, and moaned into his open lips. He didn’t pull completely free, nor didbook18.org
he pause. Instead, he smoothly thrust forward.book18.org
“Ugh, ugh, ugh…yes,” I whimpered, relishing the power with which he entered me. Stillbook18.org
with my shoes in place, I crossed my feet somewhere at the base of his spine before edgingbook18.org
them higher and moaning once more as it caused him to sink deeper still.book18.org
Again, Alex slowly drew back and this time plunged forward quicker than before.book18.org
The head of his shaft struck me sharply and I bucked against him with a squealed mixturebook18.org
of discomfort and pleasure.book18.org
“Too much?” he asked, lifting his head in concern.book18.org
“No,” I breathlessly replied. “Don’t stop, don’t stop!”book18.org
Lifting his upper body, he placed his hands flat on the couch either side of me. Bracingbook18.org
most of his weight, he began to pump his hips faster and with more strength. Each drivebook18.org
forward was coupled with a groan of satisfaction from him and a breathy moan of pleasurebook18.org
from me.book18.org
I looked up at him and studied his face, frozen in concentration and biting down on hisbook18.org
bottom lip. My hands, which had been at his back, slid down to his buttocks, grasping thebook18.org
large muscles and enjoying the sensation as they clenched each time his hips met mine.book18.org
I began to arch, meeting his thrusts, as I felt a pressure building in my pelvis. “Ugh,book18.org
God,” I panted.book18.org
“Argh,” he groaned, stepping up the speed of his motion.book18.org
Each time he filled me, his pubic bone struck my clitoris and, with the increased speedbook18.org
and friction, I experienced the mounting orgasm. Sucking in a breath, I held it as I rolled mybook18.org
hips in a tiny circle.book18.org
“Oh, Mel,” he breathed. “I’m close.”book18.org
“Alex,” I screamed, feeling that I was about to explode. “Yes, yes, yes!” I mumbled, mybook18.org
eyes clamping shut and fingers contracting tightly at his buttocks. I trembled and my hipsbook18.org
jerked and bucked; my internal muscles spasming quickly in an arrhythmic pattern.book18.org
“Ugh,” he grunted, thrusting once more and remaining deep inside me, his own pelvisbook18.org
jolting as if charged with electricity.book18.org
Then the warmth of his seed filled me in three strong bursts, and it suddenly occurred tobook18.org
me that neither one of us had stopped to think about protection.book18.org
“Oh, shit,” he gasped, breathless and perspiring. Closing his eyes, his face dropped tobook18.org
mine and he kissed me tenderly. “I’m sorry,” he panted against my mouth. “I totally forgot.”book18.org
“It’s okay,” I responded calmly, as my fingers, which were struck with pins and needles,book18.org
gradually released their hold of his behind. “I didn’t think, either. I’m…err…okay, though. Ibook18.org
mean, it’s been a long time since I last had sex and that was protected, so I don’t havebook18.org
anything.”book18.org
With lazy eyes, he peered down at me. “I wasn’t worried about that,” he smiled. “And,book18.org
just in case you were, I’m safe, too.”book18.org
“I’m not worried,” I replied. At that time, it was the truth, the next day it may havebook18.org
occurred to me to begin worrying, but right then and there, those concerns were far from mybook18.org
mind. I was too fixated on the way he felt within me, how right it seemed to have him fill mebook18.org
completely. He was softening, but still his body was exquisitely secure within mine.book18.org
“And, what about…?” he asked.book18.org
“Oh, I’m on the pill,” I replied, assuring him that the chances of me being impregnated bybook18.org
the encounter were remote. Of course, taking the contraceptive pill was blasphemy as far asbook18.org
my parents were concerned. But it had been advised by my doctor to help regulate my cyclebook18.org
and, more importantly, they didn’t know about it.book18.org
We lay there, content for several minutes. I didn’t mind his bulk pushing me into thebook18.org
couch. Somehow it felt comforting. Occasionally, we’d share a sleepy kiss or one of us wouldbook18.org
release a satisfied sigh that caused the other to chuckle. However, as we gradually began tobook18.org
feel the chill in the air and our bodies and brains returned to the reality of our situation, Ibook18.org
wondered where we’d go from here.book18.org
Alex began to get up, saying, “I guess we ought to get dressed, we’ll be landing in a fewbook18.org
minutes.”book18.org
I stopped him, curling my arms around him. I needed to know something before webook18.org
parted, before real life butted its way back into the perfect moments we’d shared. “So,book18.org
umm…I guess I’ll have to look for another job?” I suggested, a hopefully little smile on mybook18.org
lips.book18.org
“Why?” he asked, his dark brows creasing.book18.org
My heart sank and the smile faded. “Oh,” I sighed, releasing him as if his skin burnt me.book18.org
“I just thought,” I muttered. “Never mind,” I insisted, shaking my head and pushing at hisbook18.org
chest in an effort to slip out from underneath him.book18.org
“You thought what?” he asked, refusing to budge. “What’s wrong?”book18.org
“I just thought that this meant something,” I gabbled. “I’m sorry.”book18.org
“It did mean something,” he responded quickly. “But I don’t-” he stopped himself, abook18.org
dawning realization lifting the heaviness of his confused eyebrows. Smiling, he placed a handbook18.org
on my cheek, rubbing his curved forefinger over my jaw. “I’ve always made it a rule not tobook18.org
get involved with people I work with,” he sighed, grinning broadly. “But I think I’m preparedbook18.org
to make an exception for you.”book18.org
Noting the sparkle in his sincere eyes, I knew he wasn’t simply telling me what I wantedbook18.org
to hear. “Are you sure?” I asked, suddenly concerned that I was causing him to backtrack onbook18.org
his personal ethics.book18.org
“I’m sure,” he replied. “I don’t want to fly with anyone else,” he assured me softly. Hisbook18.org
lips slowly descending and, seeming to seal the deal, he molded his mouth to mine.book18.org
While trying to kiss him back, I found myself unable to prevent the silly grin thatbook18.org
contorted my lips. Something told me that work was about to get a lot more interesting.book18.org